We had a pretty rough week here. I had some personal issues that were making me emotional and tired and just plain icky feeling. I wanted peace and quiet and rest, so of course the girls were clingy and cranky 24/7. It felt like someone was crying or hanging on my leg all day long the entire week, so I am beyond excited that the weekend is finally here. Everyone's asleep now, the house is quiet and I was reflecting on how awful this week was and how I epically failed as a mom (I had zero patience...my poor kids) and I remembered the highlight. So I have to write it down before I forget that something good happened in the midst all of the other crap going on.
Cbear is my little sensitive introvert. She doesn't generally like being around lots of people, especially if they're loud. And while she's energetic and talkative at home, she gets very shy when out in public. Situations that are out of the norm scare her, and she's super sensitive to tones. For example, if I raise my voice or speak too sternly, she accuses me of "being mean at her." Also, when Jellybean (who's the total opposite and is all, "hey, let's play, everybody! I mean, everyone's here to see me, right?") shrieks excitedly because she wants to play, Cbear bursts into tears because she thinks her sister is yelling at her.
Bearing all this in mind, we have particular difficulty on mornings when we go to MOPS. Since it's only twice a month, she still isn't used to her classroom and she cries every time we go. This past Monday, it started while we were still at home getting ready and I was talking it up: "We get to go and play with friends at MOPS today, won't that be so much fun?" Her little face puckered up and she said, "I don't want to go to MOPS!" She sobbed the whole time we were getting dressed, brushing teeth and putting on shoes. Somewhere in all that she started saying, "I want Jesus to be in my classroom!" over and over again between cries. I'm not sure where that came from, but a few weeks ago she started saying that whenever we'd go to church, so I'd been trying to explain to her that even though we can't see Jesus right now, he's always with us in our hearts and we can pray and talk to him anytime. I tried to reinforce this while we were getting ready. I stopped to pray with her and even though she was still crying, we headed out the door.
I was nervous as to how the day would go. It's never easy to leave my child in someone else's care when she is crying like her heart will break, but it's especially hard when we're not even there yet and she's already saying she doesn't want to go! The mommy guilt creeps in and I start second-guessing everything I do. I tried to stay positive and remind her that Jesus would be with her, and if she got scared or sad she could pray to him and he would help her. By the time I dropped Cbear off at her classroom, she had stopped crying.
When my meeting was over and I went to pick the girls up, Cbear was actually smiling and having a good time! Her teacher told me she did exceptionally well that day. As we were leaving, I asked her if she prayed to Jesus in her classroom, and she said excitedly with a huge grin on her face, "I did! Jesus helped me to not be sad!"
And yeah,
I did cry on the way home after hearing that.
