Our Expat Journey, GIF Style

I love GIFs so much.  And since a picture is worth a thousand words, and because our emotions about making this huge life change have run the gamut lately, I decided that I could show you how we've been feeling through this process much better than I could ever write about it.  So, without further ado, I present our expat journey to date in GIFs:

Last spring, Clint and I talking about how awesome it would be to live in another country. 

Finding out an expat position is available in England.

Waiting for weeks and weeks to get the position approved.

Our initial reaction to the realization that Clint got the job.

Then it sinking in.

And then feeling like this.

Our family taking the news well.

And then my sister acting like this because I told her way before before anything was approved.

CBear finding out we're moving to a country filled with castles, where everyone talks like Robin Hood characters and Angelina Ballerina.

Jellybean is confused about what is going on.

Clint, preparing to fill out all our paperwork and get everything organized for the move.

Filling out endless paper work and keeping track of important documents makes us feel like this.

So then we give each other a pep talk.

We find out another local couple is going to the same city at the same time and we all do this.

My inner monologue on a very long conference call with Clint and the UK relocation lady.

How we feel meeting with a psychologist for a "cross-cultural adaptability assessment"

Finding out we won't get to go on a pre-assignment visit.

I get a little stressed and overwhelmed with everything, so I do this.

Clint and I when we get to cross something off of our to-do list.

I look at too many houses online and read an excessive amount of expat blogs, so I should probably do this.

Who's tired of filling out paperwork and providing the same documents over and over again?

"Let me get this straight.  You don't want us to take our furniture, but you don't want to provide enough in the budget to cover furniture?"

But then everything works out with the housing/furniture budget.

We find out the biometrics office is closed two hours into the drive there.

My reaction at our last small group meeting/dinner/prayer time for our upcoming move.

Me, amusing myself with this blog post idea.  I need sleep.

Stay tuned for more as our journey unfolds! 

November

Happy Thanksgiving!  We had a great day, but very busy and I'm glad my dishes are finally done and I get to put my feet up.  Super thankful for a moment of rest right now!

Where did November go?  It seems like I blinked and it was gone.  We kind of have a lot to do and I just realized we only have a little over a month before we cross the big blue ocean and start our new adventure.  I'm waiting for the holy-crapola-freakout emotional meltdown to happen when this reality sets in.  I know it's coming sooner or later.  Anyway, here's what we've been up to the last few weeks.

We got our passports!  The girls' are pretty much the cutest thing I've ever seen.  The process to get them was a bit trying as it took ALL DAY.  First we all got our pictures taken at Walgreen's and they told us not to smile...and for kids that have been trained their entire lives to cheese when a camera is put in front of their faces, it was a tall order.  Cbear kept giggling and Jellybean was grinning so hard I literally had to tell her to make a sad face in order to get the photo right.  Clint's turned out great, but since I normally walk around grinning like an idiot all day long, my unsmiley face looks really weird and kind of ticked off.  Now that I think about it, that's probably actually what I will look like after a transatlantic flight with two small children.  Genius, U.S. government.

Next we headed to the post office with what we thought was all of our paperwork.  Of course after being there for like an hour with Jellybean trying to Houdini her way out of the stroller and me trying to keep Cbear from swinging on the line-forming ropes like Tarzan while the husband talked with the post office lady, we figured out we were missing a few things.  We headed to lunch while Clint called some people from work to get what we needed, and they pulled through and had it all ready by the time the girls were done happily smearing their faces, hands and clothes with queso from their favorite Mexican place.  Thank goodness we did the pictures first thing.

Back to the post office we went, and this time I wised up, didn't bother with the stroller and came armed with My Little Pony via Netflix on my phone instead.  That kept both the girls entertained for most of the time, although Cbear got bored after a while and decided to keep busy by picking out birthday cards for herself from the selection along the wall.  I was getting antsy because we were well into Jellybean's nap time, but the nice lady who was helping us handed out lollipops and everyone was pretty content considering we had been waiting in lines most of the day.  We made it out alive and had the passports in hand the next week!  The next step is our visas, which are currently being processed.

Other than getting things ready for the move, the only thing the girls and I have been doing is fighting sickness...I really hope we're getting all of this out of the way now before Christmas and traveling...although I'm trying to not have nightmares about all the germs we're going to encounter on flights and in airports alone.  Thank goodness Jellybean has stopped rolling around on public bathroom floors while I'm helping Cbear not fall in the toilet...most of the time, anyway.  Now if I could just keep her from sticking her fingers in the drain in the middle of the floor...gag.  If you hear a crazy mama in the big bathroom stall in Wal-Mart shrieking "don't touch anything!" and "hold onto me, not the toilet seat!" yeah, it's probably me.  I also apologize if you're sitting in the stall next to us and a tiny blonde peeping tom-ette sticks her head under the stall and stares at you while you do your business.  I only have so many hands.

Anyway, first they both had your run-of-the-mill colds...no big deal.  Then, the next week Cbear came down with pinkeye, followed closely by Jellybean.  Do you know what the worst thing EVER is?  I'll tell you: it's administering antibiotic eyedrops twice a day for a week to a toddler and a preschooler.  It takes at least two adults and the stars to align perfectly in order to actually get the drops in their eyes, not to mention keep them from rubbing it out once it's in there.  And since Clint was usually at work for the morning dose, well, I was just the best mom ever sitting on top of them and wrangling their thrashing heads and squirting $93 per 3 ml of eyedrops (and that's with insurance!) all over my living room carpet.  I hope they didn't learn any bad words that week...I had my moments of weakness.  On top of that, Cbear had an ear infection (which can apparently be caused by pinkeye) and had to be on another antibiotic for ten days.

We hadn't even finished the last doses when Jellybean came down with a runny nose and cough, followed by Cbear a few days later.  I quarantined them for nearly a week, thought they were getting better and took Cbear to get her ears checked to make sure the infection was gone.  As luck would have it, her eye was red and irritated that day, but not goopy like before with pinkeye, so I just thought she had gotten something in it.  Nope.  Pinkeye again, and the ear infection was still there.  Are you kidding me?  Needless to say I've abandoned the I'm-trying-to-be-a-good-mom-and-only-use-natural-chemical-free-cleaning-supplies, and now I'm lysoling and clorox wiping the heck out of my house.  So help me if Jellybean comes down with pinkeye again there will be a RECKONING.  We're on day 3 of both antibiotics for Cbear and everyone seems to be on the mend, so I'm sure hoping the worst is behind us.  I hate it when my babies are sick, but at this point I almost have to laugh at the ridiculousness of the last month and how we can't catch a break.  I will never take my children's health for granted again!

That's all for now...I'll try to keep the blog updated during this crazy process.  Also, I just checked my clock and it's after midnight now, which means it's officially Christmas season!  I'll formally apologize to my husband right now for the 24/7 Christmas music that's going to be happening at our house...he just loves that so much.  Love you, hon!  And good night, all!

The Winds of Change...

They're sure a-blowin' around our house.  In January we'll be heading off to jolly old England for eighteen months!  What what?! The husband had a great opportunity with his company and we couldn't turn it down, so now we're scrambling around like chickens with our heads cut off trying to work out details, make appointments, and fill out lots of paperwork (the not-so-fun aspect of all of this).  We're looking forward to being off on our very own adventure (Yay! The fun part!).

I used to be the kind of person who hated change.  If things were going well, why go along and upset that?  I come from a long line of change-resisiters, and coupled with the fact that my family and I are all sentimental saps, well, I wanted things to stay the same as they were in "the good ol' days."

But that's life, right?  Ever-changing.  If things were always the same, life would get boring and stagnant.  And we might not appreciate the good moments when they do come along.

Somehow in the past few months, I find that I have changed.  Maybe it has something to do with the man I married eight and a half years ago.  He embraces change, and I think it's finally starting to rub off on me.  Or perhaps it's the fact that we've moved six times in the course of our marriage, so I've never gotten completely settled somewhere.  Maybe it's becoming a mom, where I'm often in a situation of adapt or perish (okay, that's a tad melodramatic, but you know what I mean). 

Whatever the reason, I find myself itching for change when things have been the same for too long.  It's like a breath of fresh air, invigorating and making me feel alive.  Remind me that I said this when I'm in England in the dead of winter and huddling around my S.A.D. lamp (I've already been browsing for one!  It's cold, wet, and dark there, y'all.) and crying into my hot chocolate.  I know I'll have those moments, but I'm hoping getting to experience the adventure of a lifetime with my favorite people will get me through the sad days (that and Skype. So much Skype.  And visitors, pretty please?). 

This realization about myself, that I actually want to seek out change, has been surprising.  It's not like it sprung from discontentment.  I love our life here.  It's pretty easy and safe (besides doing battle occasionally with two tiny tyrants) and we are surrounded by wonderful family and friends.  However, this desire for England came out of nowhere, and it was on my mind before there was any mention of a job opportunity there.  It just felt like that's where we're supposed to be.  So when the offer came, there wasn't much of a question in my mind as to whether or not I wanted to go.  

Clint and I talked together and prayed about it, and really feel like we've been given a rare gift that not many get to experience.  Sure, it would be easier and more comfortable to stay.  The thought of leaving everyone and everything we've ever known is super scary.  We wonder if it's the right thing for the girls and if they will adapt easily, or if we're in for some rough waters.  Yet, we want to teach them even at their young ages to not miss out on something amazing just because you're afraid.

Our future isn't looking like anything we've imagined, and that is both terrifying and exciting.  Not knowing what will happen is stretching our faith, but we're trusting that God has a plan and future for us.  We're trying (gulp) to have courage and know that he will be with us wherever we go.  We sure hope we're up to the task of experiencing and loving on a completely new culture.  And not being ugly Americans...please, please let's not be the ugly Americans.  Cheers!

Raising Warrior Princesses

This is not a post about Xena...or Zena, or however you spell that.  Rather, its about the kind of daughters I hope to raise.

This is something that's been on my mind for a while, but I really got to thinking about it this morning when CBear dressed herself in a frilly sundress and then said, "Hey, Jellybean, let's swordfight!  That's a great idea!" They proceeded to my closet to choose "swords" (hangers...don't ask me why).  Of course, in true girl fashion, it took a while to choose the right color of weapon.  Then they went off to battle each other, and I let them have at it.

This is not the first time something like this has happened.  CBear went through a huge Mulan obsession in the summer and we had to re-enact fighting the Huns about five times a day for a few weeks.  And you know what?  I'm okay with that, because I want to raise a different kind of princess.

I've never been a huge fan of the princess culture surrounding little girls, mostly because what springs to mind when I think of it is spoiled, selfish, entitled girls.  Maybe that's wrong of me and my view is skewed, but living with two little girls who love princesses AND swords has forced me to deal with this issue and I've decided: I want to raise warrior princesses.

My girls love dressing up as princesses.  We have a whole drawer dedicated to princess and fairy costumes, which they complete with my old jewelry.  They dance and twirl in puffy skirts and tutus and want their daddy to tell them they're beautiful.  Glitter shows up all over my house and I have no idea how it got there.  CBear may have asked me on more than one occasion where her prince is because he needs to take her to the ball.  And yet, especially with my her fierce personality, another aspect of princess-hood has manifested.  CBear, with Jellybean following after her, doesn't want to be JUST a princess.  If there is something wrong, she wants to fight to make it right.  I'm good with that.  She has a deep sense of good and evil, and that there is always a battle to be won.  Why do we try to shelter kids from that?  Let's give them a little credit- they figure it out pretty quickly.

Whenever we are reading, watching a tv show or telling a story, CBear always wants to know who the bad guy is.  Stories without a villain aren't worth her time, apparently, because she shushes me and asks for another one.  But if there is a villain to battle, she gets very excited about justice being served and everyone getting to live happily ever after in the end.  And then we usually act it out, per her request.

So, clearly I'm not one of those moms who bans toy swords/guns and wrestling with each other on the floor (its a normal occurrence around here...how much worse are boys, again?  I could be in for it if we have any sons in the future).  And I'm not one bit concerned they're going to end up as sociopaths.  I'm certainly not going to freak out if they bite a pop-tart in the shape of a gun or try to shoot each other with bubble ammo (have you seen or read about these types of things happening?  Ridiculous.)

So, as far as princesses go around here: I'm trying to instill that yes, they can be beautiful with sparkly, twirly dresses.  But they are also kind, generous, brave, and willing to fight for what is right.  At least, I hope the message is sticking.  Now, you'll have to excuse me while I go find my cardboard scimitar and spying scope...

Last Days of Summer

Around here we're looking forward to fall (I start dreaming of pumpkins, scarves, and apple cider by the beginning of June) but right now we're enjoying these last summer days.  I've been trying to make a conscious effort to slow down and enjoy the time with the girls and not rush through life so much.  Much easier said than done, especially when we actually need to get somewhere on time!  But on the days we are home, I'm trying to appreciate how everything is so new and wondrous to them.  Here's what we've been up to lately.

Cbear has given up naps. I know.  I may have cried about it.  I don't know where she gets this dislike of sleep...okay, I know exactly where she gets it.  I stopped taking naps when I was two and even now I stay up waaaaay too late every night.  There was a very rough adjustment period (I need some alone time or I'm a terrible mama!) but things are going better now.  I put Jellybean to bed and then Cbear and I have some quiet time reading in her bed.  After that she has her own quiet play time [cough-cough-watching the ipad-cough-cough] by herself in her room.  Then we usually have time to play together because unlike us, Jellybean loves sleep.  Yesterday we painted, then played "Go Fish" and "Memory".  I love that Cbear can play actual games now and I think I need to get my hands on Candyland.

Jellybean is starting to talk more and more and developing such a personality.  My favorite word she says lately is "noon-el" (noodle).  It's just so darn cute.  She has a great sense of humor.  Recently she's been pretending to be upset and then she starts laughing when we get concerned.  It's the great toddler fake-out!  She's also become obsessed with her little beginner's Bible and sometimes will just go find a comfortable seat and turn the pages contentedly by herself.  She likes to do this with the books off my shelf, too.  She looks so grown-up "reading" books without pictures!  I continue to be amazed at how different my two children are.  That would never have flown with Cbear.  And yet they seem to be growing into best friends.  Sometimes I see them running through the house, holding hands and shrieking happy little girl screams.  Until someone injures the other, then all bets are off.

We go through phases of what the girls are currently obsessed with, and two things come to mind right now: jewelry and worms (still).  I gave them a lot of my jewelry that I never wear to play with, and they are loving putting on bracelets and necklaces and then admiring themselves in the mirror.  It's so girly and fun.  And then, just to balance that out, we totally have a worm farm in our backyard.  Harry and Lloyd would be proud.  We keep them in an old flower planter filled with dirt.  We water them and feed them rotten tomatoes from our sad plants.  Yesterday morning they got left in the sun, which the girls discovered when they went out to play after dinner.  It was catastrophic. Jellybean pointed to them and yelled, "No no no no no no!" over and over while Cbear cried dramatically, "My worms died!  They died FOREVER!"  Fortunately my husband has mad worm-hunting skills and the farm was filled with a few new wiggly creatures in no time.  Now the girls know to keep the worms in the shade!

With the splash pad closed since school started, we've been enjoying our own little water park in the back yard.  We put the little plastic pool under the slide and then put the sprinkler under the trampoline. It's insta-fun for the girls and then Clint and I sit in the shade.  Kinda beats hovering over them at the water park!  Of course, it makes a huge mud puddle under the trampoline (Hey look hon, we made an awesome mosquito haven!) which is, of course, the best thing ever to the girls.  They pink puffy heart luuuurrrve mud.  So we let them have at it and just hose them down afterward.  It's fun, but I'm looking forward to piles of leaves instead soon, how about you?

This job...I'm the best ya got? Really?!

Fair warning- I'm about to have an honest mom moment.  My house is quiet, everyone is asleep...but I've had this thought running through my head all evening and I just can't turn off my brain.  So here I am, sitting in the dark being all ponder-ful about life and stuff.  I know that's not a word.  It's late.

It was a little bit of a trying day.  Sometimes, on the bad days, I wonder if I'm really the best person for this job.  You know, the mom thing.  I've always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom because I thought it would be the best thing for our family...heck, Clint and I decided we would go this route way back when we were dating (and that was in high school!).

But sometimes I wonder...would my kids be better of with someone else? I get impatient.  I feel completely unsympathetic when Cbear requests the thousandth princess band-aid for a wound which is NOT BLEEDING.. I sigh when Jellybean lifts her arms up to be held and I just want to make spaghetti in peace.  Sometimes I yell.  Then someone cries because I hurt her feelings, and I cry out of guilt.  I lock myself in the bathroom for a moment of peace.  I let my kids watch too many episodes of Super Why for a few minutes where someone is not touching/climbing on/clawing at me.  I forget to pray with them and teach them about God.  I check out mentally and play on my phone.  The list goes on and on.

I was thinking about this today and feeling like I fail. Every.  Single. Day. Wouldn't my kids be happier with anyone but me?  I'm completely inadequate.  Then there's this quiet voice inside that reminds me...for reasons I don't understand, God chose me to be Cbear and Jellybean's mom.  Even though my résumé kind of sucks.  Even though my skills aren't all that honed.  I must have something to offer.  Or maybe he's trying to teach me something...patience, humility, grace, etc...I should have those down by now, but nope!  He still chose me, knowing that I would fail and hoping that I would draw my strength from Him.  And He does get me through, even though sometimes my only prayers of the day are desperate "help me"s!  He does. He gets me through when I have nothing left to give, and lifts me up when I'm so deeply mired in mommy guilt I can't sleep.

My mom stayed home with my siblings and me, and I appreciate so much the impact she had on my family growing up.  I don't remember very many bad days.  I just remember her sweet smile, hugs, home-cooked meals, good talks in the car on the way to school, watching favorite movies together while laughing, crying, or both.

 But, along with all those positve things solidified in my memory, we do have this home video.  I was probably seven or eight at the time.  It was right around Christmas, and nothing special was happening (I think my dad was just trying out the new video camera). It was a normal weeknight.  Here's the scene: Dad and I are (supposed to be) wrapping presents, and I'm jumping in front of the camera and making faces like a lunatic.  My sister is trying to avoid being videotaped at all cost, and Mom is bustling around the kitchen, looking tense and tight-lipped and yelling at my sister something about needing to practice the piano, and that I need to calm down.  Then dad and I screw up the presents. My mom had labeled the boxes with the name of the person the gift was for, and somehow we mixed them all up and were trying to figure out whose was who's after already wrapping everything.  Mom just shakes her head, towel thrown over her shoulder and wooden spoon in hand, like do I have to do everything around here?!  You can see on her face she's near the breaking point.  But i think she ended up laughing about it.  (Side note: we never did figure out the right gifts and people were opening the wrong thing left and right Christmas morning...it's funny now!)

The point is, were it not for this home video, I wouldn't remember any of this.  I remember the good stuff, not my mom (very humanly) getting frustrated at us for not doing what we were supposed to while she made dinner.  So...maybe my kids' memories will be forgiving, too.  I certainly hope they remember more snuggles than pointed fingers, and more tickle fights than exasperated sighs.  Or maybe they'll remember it all, but love their imperfect mom anyway...you know, the one who messes up but tries to apologize and start over the next day.  "Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it...well, with no mistakes in it yet!"

I said...they heard...

There is a strange phenomenon happening at my house lately.  For some reason, certain things I say to my children get lost in translation from the time the words leave my mouth to the time their ears hear them.  Why do kids want to do the opposite of everything you tell them?  Can anyone else relate?  I'm like, guys, I'm trying to make your life easier, if you would just listen to me!  I made a little chart (wouldn't my husband, the serial chart/graph-maker, be proud!?) describing this. 

I Say                                                                           They Hear

Hurry up, we’re going to be late!                                Walk as slowly as possible.  Step in front of me and then stop so I have to walk around you.  Crouch down and examine every ant on the driveway on the way to the car.

It’s time to settle down for bed.                                 Let’s play tag!  And tickle fight!

Eat your dinner.                                                          Pick at/play with food and insist your tummy is full.  Continue this ruse only until all the dishes are put away, then dramatically fall to the floor and insist you need a snack because you are sooo hungry.

Go potty before we get in the car.                              Hold your pee until we are at the store/library/mall, etc.  Insist on using every public bathroom you ever see.  Bonus for touching all the germ-covered surfaces!

Open your mouth so I can brush your teeth.              Kick, screech, and go limp.  Under no circumstances should a toothbrush enter your mouth (Jellybean, I’m lookin’ at you).  Cavities and gingivitis are good, yo!

Watch where you are walking!                                   Continue to stare at me blankly while walking in another direction, until you run into a wall or sharp object.

Please stop swinging that- someone’s going to get hurt.        Swing the toy around until someone gets hurt.